Fig. 1 — Manager conducting the morning walk.
Staff (rear, out of focus) holding the leash.
Your dog is your manager.
You didn't adopt a dog. You were onboarded.
Read the reportA letter to staff
Look closely at the leash. One of you sets the route, the pace and the moment it ends. The other one carries the bags. For fifteen thousand years, the oldest company on Earth has run on a single product, and the product is you.
— The Society for Leash Transparency, est. 1987
Leadership team
The people who
run your house.
Every household has one. Most staff never meet the rest of the board.
-
Chief Executive OfficerBiscuit
“I have reviewed your proposal. No.”
Since the day you came home
-
Chief Operating StareBlue
“I saw what you did with the last slice.”
6 years
-
Head of People, Floor LevelGus
“I'm not angry. I'm disappointed. See me at three.”
11 years
-
VP of Side-EyeRosa
“Interesting choice. We will discuss it in your review.”
4 years
-
Director of Perimeter SurveillanceDuke
“The mail carrier has been noted. Again.”
3 years
-
Head of Lunch AuditsPepper
“Every bite is logged.”
9 years
Fig. 2 — Mandatory all-hands. Staff not invited.
House policy
Terms of
employment.
- 01
Shift start is 6:02 a.m.
Weekends included. No alarm, no calendar. Management simply knows.
- 02
Management sets the route.
And the pace. And when the walk is over. Staff carry the bags.
- 03
Meals are audited.
Your manager will watch in silence until a portion is surrendered.
- 04
Video calls may be joined unannounced.
If staff look happy without management, the keyboard will be walked on.
- 05
"Who's a good boy?" will not be answered.
It is a retention tool. You are not meant to find out.
Fig. 3 — Regional office, reviewing the territory.
They have meetings
about you.
Join the Society
Get your
staff ID.
Every employee of The Pack has one. Most never find out. Issue yours, then send it to someone who needs to know.
- Staff
- Your name
- Reports to
- Your dog
- ID
- 000-0000
Clearance: doors, snacks, belly rubs
Questions from staff
Questions from staff
- Is this real?
- Your dog decided what time you woke up today. You tell us.
- Does my dog love me?
- Deeply. The best managers do. It is what makes them so effective.
- What about cats?
- Consultants. They bill by the hour, skip every meeting and are not part of The Pack.
- Should I be mad at my dog?
- Never. We are not against dogs. We are against not being told.